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Who Am I?

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I don't label myself an atheist anymore, yet I don't believe in an overarching ruling deity known in the West as God.

I'm not a believer, yet I like the Hindu idea of the Ātman; the witness of what there is.

I'm not an agnostic, yet I can't claim with certainty to know what there is.

I can only watch. I can only sense.

What I know is there is something in front of me. My quest is to know that which is doing the seeing, the hearing, the feeling.

And I believe that is achieved through watching. To see with my eyes. To hear with my ears. To smell, to taste, to feel is to know my Self.

Seeing the reflection of my body in a mirror isn't enough. I even say 'my body' which, for me, only raises the question of "whose body?"

Am I different than my body? Or am I my body as much as I am my mind? (Whose mind? Where is the mind?)

Am I the quanta that appears to exist 'out there' that is turned into light upon the light wavicles jiggling the rods and cones in my eyes?

Am I the waves of particles that jiggle my eardrum creating on and off signals that my nervous system turns into sound?

Am I the on and off signal? Ones and zeroes. A being brought into existence by way of binary 'code'. Action and non-action. Is that what I am?

Am I all of it?

What is this doing the sensing?

What is this that seems to affect the state of quanta upon observing it?

Whatever 'I AM', that is what I quest to 'know'.

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ariya-sacca's avatar
Thank you for putting this into words so that I may understand myself better.